


Empty

by Francowitch



Series: YOI Ship BINGO [12]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Background Character Death, Background Otayuri, Background Viktuuri - Freeform, Flashbacks, Gen, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Minor Character Death, YOI Ships BINGO
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 08:12:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11870220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Francowitch/pseuds/Francowitch
Summary: A month has passed since the death of Yuri's grandfather. He wants to get back onto the ice, to find meaning in his life once more and not feel so damn empty.





	Empty

**Author's Note:**

> BINGO piece fo Lilia/Yuri square...
> 
> Sorry for the silence, been trying to beat my muse into submission, and this is what I end up with. Sorry for the heavy subject. but the muse writes what it writes... 
> 
> no beta in this... my mistakes are definitely my own...

**Empty**

 

Empty.

 

That is what the feeling was that filled Yuri as he looked around the apartment he had shared for so many years with his Grandfather. Was there any way that it could have been different? Any way that he could have made things better? Made it last longer, have more time?

 

As it was he had been off for the past month, prior to that he had been only practising sporadically to keep from getting too stiff, but now he was itching to get back on the ice. To get back into a routine, it was too easy for him to slip into the feeling of nothingness and despair. He wanted to do something to make himself feel normal again, even if it was only faking it. Dragging himself out of bed, Yuri pulled on a pair of practice leggings and a shirt which smelt the cleanest. Making a mental note that laundry would need doing. Walking through the darkened hallways, he tiptoed past the room, more in habit than anything else. It was not something he needed to do anymore, no more whirs and beeps from breathing machines, gasping ragged breaths- the silence was deafening.

 

Shaking his head, Yuri grabbed a granola bar, his keys, and pulled his practice bag over his shoulder. With one last look around the apartment and a call out to his cat, Yuri walked out into the frigid air of six am St. Petersburg. Yuri jogged to the rink, the feeling of the pavement and scent of the salty air jarring yet familiar to his system. It had been far too long since Yuri had actually gone out by his own volition. Leading up til now, it had been the old man or Baba who would convince him to leave the apartment for an hour or two at a time.

 

When Yuri arrived at the rink he was hot and sweating, well warmed up to do some laps at the rink. At the very least to run through one of his old programs, even if downgrading his jumps. Yuri walked through the main doors only to be stopped by security, glaring Yuri growled at the guard.

 

“What the fuck? It has not been that long, you do know who I am right?”

 

“I- I am sorry Mister Plisetsky,” the man was new and stumbling over his words, “but it is Mr. Feltsman’s orders.”

 

“Go get him then.” Yuri snapped.

 

What the fuck was happening, he knew that he was likely to have some kind of yelling or complaints about his being away without contact for so long. But to ban him from the rink? That seemed a little extreme. In less than five minutes Yakov came stomping into the reception area with Viktor and his piggy in tow.

 

“Yakov the fuck is going on here?” Yuri pointed to the guard who was shaking, “This asshole won’t let me in.”

 

Yakov shook his head, giving his face a more bulldog-like appearance, “He did not make a mistake Yura, you are not to go onto the ice until you are cleared by medical.”

 

Yuri’s face screwed up in confusion, “The hell are you talking about? I was not sick.”

 

“No, but you have not been on the ice for over a month, and prior to that, your skating has been slipping. I cannot have you getting hurt while half-heartedly doing this.”

 

Yuri was in shock, he had finally decided to go out, to get in some practice and now he was being denied. There was a soft sound which made everyone turn slightly.

 

“What about sending Yurio over to Lilia’s?” Yuuri spoke, his voice nervous and low.

 

“I am not a dog, and my name is not Yurio, you pig,” Yuri growled.

 

“Yuuri is right,” Viktor spoke, ignoring Yuri’s outburst. “He should spend some time in the studio.”

 

Yakov sighed rubbing his face,  _ “Da, _ Yura, go see Lilia. If she says you can skate then come back. But I want you to go spend some time with her in the studio first, I need to know your head is in the right place.”

 

Yuri knew it made sense, he was just so pissed off cause he wanted to be on the ice, he wanted to be out there. Looking away so that his hair veiled over his face, he grumbled out, “Fine.”

 

Yuri flinched as he felt a hand rest on his shoulder. “I can drive you if you would like?” Yuuri spoke. “I need to head back to the apartment and it is on the way.”

 

Yuri nodded without looking up. He wished that he could argue, but deep down he knew that they were right. Yuri turned kicking the wall in frustration, pain in his toes resonating up his spine. Yuri turned and walked back out of the rink without another word, knowing without checking that Yuuri would be right behind him. Yuri stormed over to the ridiculous pink convertible that Yuri and Viktor owned, waiting for the audible click of the locks to open up the door.

 

Yuri was grateful that the drive over to the studio was a quiet one, Yuuri opting to remain quiet instead of his usual chatter. In so many ways he just wished the silence could overtake him and wash away the empty feeling he had ever since it happened. They pulled up in front of the studio in no time, as Yuri went to tug on the door handle to leave Yuuri’s hand touched his shoulder tentatively. “You know you are always welcome to talk to Vitya and I. I know this has been hard for you, but you still have family Yurio.”

 

“Tch!” Yuri pulled open the door without looking back, “You know nothing pig. Thanks for the ride.”

 

Yuri slammed the car door behind him stalking up to the entrance of the studio without even so much as a casual glance back.

 

***

 

Lilia’s dance studio was one of Yuri’s haven’s whenever he was having difficulty with a program he would spend some time at the studio where he could take out his frustrations in dance. Lilia would look on with her stern impassive face, calling out positions, critiquing his form. Working Yuri until sweat was rolling off him and his breath was no more than ragged gasps. There were no words between them about anything personal, it was only about the dance, and about perfecting the prima inside him.

 

Today was no different as he stepped into the familiar room of mirror and wood. Lilia nodded in his direction without a word, watching him as he opened up his practice bag shifting through the contents until he found the shoes he would need. In under twenty minutes Yuri was warmed up and had begun moving his body through the familiar motions of his program. Spins, modified jumps, and intense footwork, everything felt off. It was another twenty minutes to a half hour when there was a sharp clap and Yuri was pulled from his own mind. He looked to see Lilia standing in the doorway with a strange look on her face, it was stern but also with a hint of pain behind her eyes. Panting heavily Yuri stalked over to his bag to grab a bottle of water and a towel to dry himself off.

 

“Go wash up and meet me in my office.”

 

“Tch! I was not finished.” Yuri scoffed.

 

“You have five minutes.”

 

Yuri's lips went into a tight line, while he would argue with Yakov, and certainly, would feed Viktor all of his anger- but Lilia it was different. There was no point in arguing with Lilia, she was perhaps the only other person he knew who was as stubborn as he was, and she was certainly someone who never blinked an eye to his attitude over the years. Otabek had suggested once that perhaps it was that she was the one who had earned his respect, an idea which Yuri used to scoff at, enough that it was never mentioned it again.

 

Yuri was fast, while it did take him a bit longer than five minutes, with having to have a fast shower in the locker. In under ten minutes, he was standing at Lilia’s office, his wet hair in a damp braid.

 

“What took you so long?”

 

Yuri grunted, “Shower, and I am here now, so what is it? You want to kick me out of the studio as well?”

 

Lilia’s pencil thin eyebrow rose in question, “Who is kicking you? From what I saw there you were kicking yourself hard enough for me to have to do anything. Sit Yurochka, stop hovering.”

 

Yuri was confused and made his way into the office, tossing his bag just inside the door as he entered. He sat down on the plush leather sofa which Lilia had in her office. Yuri shut his eyes leaning back,  he startled when he heard a glass being placed firmly in front of him.

 

“Drink,” Lilia commanded.

 

Yuri opened his eyes to see Lilia settled in the chair in front of him with a glass of clear liquid in front of her. Yuri picked up the glass in front of him, sniffing he smirked. It was her good stuff. Not wanting to question, Yuri knocked the glass back. He welcomed the warmth as the vodka worked its way down his throat.

 

“I drank.” Yuri was watching Lilia, his voice clipped. “Now is this where you tell me to leave? Or to see a doctor?”

 

Lilia shook her head sipping at her own glass before offering Yuri a refill. “No. I am also not going to ask you how you are. As I am sure you are tired of that.”

 

Yuri scoffed. “So then, why am I here instead of still in the studio?”

 

“Because Yurochka, you are punishing yourself and it is time for you to stop.”

 

Yuri felt his face burn, “I don't know what you are talking about. Why would I be punishing myself?”

 

“You might be able to fool my idiot ex-husband but you cannot fool me. I can see in your movements. You are punishing yourself through your dance. Your grandfather would never have wanted that- and you know that.”

 

“He is dead,” Yuri growled, taking a sip from his glass. “He can't want anything anymore. I never took you for sentimental Lilia.”

 

Lilia sighed letting the tone go. “I know how hard it can be to keep everything normal on the outside when inside you are falling apart.”

 

Yuri looked up,  “How did you…”

 

Lilia smirked.  “Do you honestly think that you are the first person to ever lose someone? Oh Yurochka, my boy.”

 

Yuri could feel pressure behind his eyes, his breath was heavy.

 

“Have you spoken at all with anyone since it happened?”

 

Yuri shook his head. His voice barely a whisper. “No. There is no-one.”

 

“What about that Khazah boy?”

 

“Beka?” Yuri shook his head. “I fucked up with him Lilia. Like I do with everything.”

 

“The way that boy looks at you, I don't think there is anything that you could do to push him away.”

 

“That is where you are wrong Lilia.”

 

***

 

_ Yuri was fucking tired, after weeks of doctors appointments and getting his grandfather to every specialist out there, it was not just a matter of time. As the last session of chemo was doing nothing to shrink the tumours. Yuri spared no expense as he moved his grandfather in with him in St. Petersburg before it got really bad. There he was able to visit some of the top specialists in the country while still allowing Yuri the opportunity to skate. They were told now it was only a matter of time as Yuri set up his grandfather’s room with a multitude of machines and equipment to ensure that he would be comfortable and have anything he required. He had even hired on a nurse to be there during the day and to stay over those few times that he was travelling for an event. _

 

_ For six months he had been dealing with long days at the rink, and long nights at home checking on his grandfather making sure that he was comfortable and resting. The few times he had competitions were guilty pleasures for Yuri as it meant that he was able to spend some time with his boyfriend Otabek. Could he really be counted as a boyfriend anymore though? With taking care of his grandfather his personal life and relationships had been on the backburner. Which included his relationship with Otabek, as much as he did not want to, there was just no time left in his day for himself, no time to focus his energy on someone else. But like always Otabek was more than understanding when he found out about Nikolai he immediately backed off, giving his boyfriend all the time he needed. Not complaining that they only met during competitions or that the phone calls and texts had become further and further apart. _

 

_ Yuri was shocked one night when he saw his phone buzzing on the nightstand as he was reading aloud to his grandfather as was his evening ritual. _

 

_ Yuri glanced over to the offending phone, “I am sorry Dedushka, I can get it later.” _

 

_ His grandfather smiled, “No no Yurochka, please answer it. It must be important if you are getting a call now.” _

 

_ He patted Yuri’s hand, his hands were delicate and felt waxy thanks to the medication he was on. Yuri looked from his phone to his grandfather, he caught the name flash across the screen. Otabek. Yuri nodded picking up the phone, “I will be right back.” _

 

_ “Take your time Yurochka, I will still be here when you are done.” _

 

_ Yuri answered his phone once he was out of the bedroom, “Beka.” _

 

_ “Hey, Yura,” Otabek’s voice was soft, “I am sorry for calling so late.” _

 

_ Yuri could feel his face heat up as it did every time that he heard  his boyfriend’s voice, “It is alright I was up, reading to dedushka.” _

 

_ There was a momentary pause, “Ahh, how is your grandfather?” _

 

_ “Same,” Yuri leaned his head against the wall, his eyes closed. “His doctors told me that the last round did not take, so now it is just a matter of time. Beka, I am not sure how much more I can take of this.” _

 

_ “Yura--” _

 

_ “I just wish I could see you, fuck that sounds so fucking gay.” Yuri scoffed at himself, he hated feeling or being vulnerable, even with Otabek. _

 

_ Yuri heard Otabek cough, “You mean it?” _

 

_ “Mean what?” _

 

_ “That you wish you could see me?” Otabek’s voice had a nervous tone which Yuri was not used to hearing. _

 

_ “Of course asshole, I always want to see you.” _

 

_ “What if I were to tell you that I am in St. Petersburg now.” _

 

_ “Tch!” Yuri scoffed, “Stop fucking with me Beka.” _

 

_ “I am not, I am actually here.” _

 

_ Yuri looked at his phone which beeped a notification for a photo, the image of Otabek standing next to a window that looked out to the recognizable St. Petersburg skyline. Yuri smirked seeing the image. “So I see, why are you out here?” _

 

_ “Do I need a reason to see my boyfriend?” _

 

_ It took some convincing, but Yuri agreed to go meet Otabek at the hotel once he was certain that his grandfather was asleep. Making the last check that everything was alright with his grandfather, Yuri slipped out and went over to the hotel where Otabek was staying. It took Yuri no time to get there, knocking on the room door he was met with fevered kisses. Despite having grown taller than his boyfriend it was nothing for Otabek to lift Yuri up and carry him inside the room where they spent the next several hours having vigorous sex. _

 

_ Yuri left in the morning just as the sun was rising. Otabek mumbling that it was too early, being shushed with gentle kisses and promises for seeing each other later. Yuri was happy as he turned the key in the lock for his apartment, it was the last moment he could say such a thing as the moment the door opened he was greeted with alarms. _

 

***

 

“Why don't you call him and see.”

 

Yuri’s eyes narrowed,  “Why are you so insistent about this Lilia? I thought you hated him.”

 

“No, I never hated him.” She thinks over her next words. “More that I was concerned that he would be too much of a distraction- but I was wrong. He has been very good for you.”

 

Yuri rubbed a hand over his face leaning forward. “Yeah, well he was too good for me and I am just an asshole. I know that already.”

 

***

 

_ Running through the apartment, Yuri didn’t even bother with taking off his shoes. He was too late, it had happened, and he was not there when his grandfather needed him most. Yuri didn’t remember picking up the phone or if it was him who called Otabek or the other way around. He just knows that the phone was at his ear with Otabek coming through the line. _

 

_ “Yura?” Otabek’s voice still held the sound of sleep. “Is everything alright? What is that sound?” _

 

_ “He is gone.” Yuri’s voice was hollow, “I was not here and he is gone.” _

 

_ “Yura? What--” _

 

_ “This was your fault… I WASN’T HERE AND NOW HE IS GONE!” Yuri screamed into the phone, then chucking it across the room hearing it shatter into pieces. _

 

_ Yuri curled himself into a ball in the corner of the bedroom, not wanting to look at the shell of what used to be his grandfather lying in the bed. The alarms from his machines screaming and penetrating into his skull, as though accusing him of negligence. Yuri was not sure how much time had passed before some paramedics had come into the apartment and had silenced the alarms. Someone was talking to him, but he was barely there. Everything came over him in waves of images and sound. Viktor and Yuuri coming in guiding Yuri out of his grandfather’s room and into the living room while the undertaker was there to removed the body. Someone pressing a warm mug into his hand filled with coffee and a strong hit of alcohol. The muffled sound of Yakov speaking with the people there no one really including Yuri in the decisions as Yuri had all but shut down. _

 

_ Otabek had been there as well, silent as always, but also separate. He would not touch Yuri, save to help guide him from one moment to the next. Yuri was not sure what he wanted anymore, it felt suffocating with everyone there, but then there were the nights when he was alone and there was no sound. _

 

_ Three days passed with Yuri only barely registering the comings and goings. Allowing people in, to take away the medical equipment, funeral arrangements, his head nodding or shaking depending on the question. The funeral itself was a blur, Yuri was drunk, a state which he remained in that whole week. It was the only way he could cope with the change. No longer running, stretching or even going onto the ice. All there was for him was the reminder that he was now all alone in the world. The first week he was flooded with visitors, his phone still broken, any calls or messages went unanswered. After that first week though, people stopped coming by, save the occasional check in from Viktor and Yuuri. But even those became fewer and farther between.   _

 

_ Since that day, Otabek did not contact Yuri, what more could be said? _

 

***

 

Lilia refilled their cups once more before putting away the bottle.

 

“Yura.” Her voice was calm. “There is something you should know, about your grandfather.”

 

Yuri’s eyes narrowed, “What do you mean?”

 

“Yakov let me know, when your grandfather died, his heart just stopped. There really was nothing that you could have done even if you were there. It happened in his sleep, no machine could have noticed.”

 

“Why would Yakov know anything about that?” Yuri’s voice warbled with the threat of tears.

 

Lilia moved so that she was sitting beside the blonde skater, “I am not sure how much you remember from that day, but Yakov actually did speak with the doctor.”

 

Yuri scoffed, “I am twenty-one, for fuck sakes, I don’t require a guardian.”

 

“That is true, but you had also shut down.” Lilia watched Yuri with her steel gaze, “someone had to take care of the legal paperwork. And that someone was Yakov, with the help of Viktor and his husband. You should be grateful to them instead of being upset.”

 

Yuri huffed into his drink, “You are right, I just- I still feel guilty about it all. I might have been able to do something if I had just stayed home that night.”

 

Lilia shrugged, “Perhaps, but perhaps not. I lean towards believing the doctors, that there was nothing that could have been done.”

 

Yuri sighed, “Yeah well what can I do now, I have nothing.”

 

“You have nothing?” Lilia snapped, “Am I hearing you correctly? You have so much more than nothing boy. You have so many people around you just waiting for you to be ready. If you isolate yourself it is no one’s fault but your own.”

 

Yuri pulled away as though he had been slapped.

 

“Now you have had your time for mourning, and we have drunk to your grandfather’s memory. Not pull out your phone that you are normally so attached to and connect once more.” Lilia’s voice was sharp, “You have to get back out there and be the prima I know you to be. Put your emotions into your skating, into your dance.”

 

Yuri nodded. She was right, he needed to pull out of himself and push his emotions into his skate, instead of letting them rule over him. It was why he was fucking up his form when in the studio earlier. He smirked to himself, “I need a new phone.”

 

“What?”

 

“I shattered my old one, before.” Yuri looked over to Lilia, “That is part of why no one would get through to me. I shattered my phone, and I need a new one now.”

 

Lilia smiled, “Well then. How about we head out and get you a new phone, we can start there. And tomorrow I want you here at 8 sharp, we are going over your routine, as you form is sloppy. Also, you need to get back to your diet, we cannot have an overweight prima.”

 

Yuri smiled back, the first time having it feel like a true one. “Thanks, Lilia.”

 

The older woman waved her hand, “Thank me by going out there and gaining gold despite having some time off.”

 

Yuri chuckled,  _ “Da, _ I can’t be allowing that pig to take my title from me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos feeds my muse!
> 
> Come follow me on Tumblr for more YOI fics and chatter... my ask is always open  
> [francowitch ](http://francowitch.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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